jesusmilkedme's Journal
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Saturday, November 1, 2008
9:48PM
ive genuinely had the worst weekend of my life. i dont remember the last time i felt like such crap. this weekend has been a mixture of people letting me down (as they always have) and raging hormones. sometimes, i feel as though the big man up there is punishing me for something. what have i done wrong? why does shit always have to go sour? and lastly, why wont this shit just end?
have i seriously not suffered enough?
i want to leave everything behind and start somewhere fresh. im so tired of this same routine.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
7:10PM
we definitely just spent the past half hour analyzing the meaning of a text message. and it was awesome. anna, you rule. MUCHO.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
10:24PM
im fucking high as hell. i feel like bouncing off the walls. jesus fucking christ. yo, read my fucking shit that i wrote for alina. its fucking doooooppppppppeeeeeeeeeeee
Question Three: What does the UN charter offer for peaceful settlement of conflicts among states? Please compare and contrast all legal methods of peaceful settlement. The United Nations Charter offers a myriad of resolutions to conflicts through pacific means, which can be viewed in Chapter VI, Articles 33-38. Chapter VI of the Charter begins by stating that the United Nations has every right to step onto the stage in time of dispute- dispute that entails the endangerment of international peace and safety. The approach to these disputes is to be handled with eloquence and diligence, with the use of negotiations, mediation, or whichever means possible that will bring about peace. In doing so it becomes the job of the Security Council to investigate any conflicts that may instigate further tensions, and eventually lead to harm. In return it is the responsibility of any member and or non-member of the United Nations to bring to attention any current dispute or one of future possibilities, and be presented either to the General Assembly or the Security Council. The Charter provides the opportunity for any non-member of the United Nations to receive aid if that non-member is to accept the conditions set forth by the Charter. This aid, either to a member or non-member, necessitates that the Security Council take an active part in bringing about a peaceful and appropriate resolution, with all legal disputes to be resolved by the International Court of Justice, which has its rules stated within Rules of Court of the International Court of Justice 1978. The imperative of the International Court of Justice (ICJ) is to hold two types of cases- contentious cases and advisory proceedings, the former being legal disputes amidst States and the latter being requests for counsel. In order to file a contentious case one must be a part of the United Nations or have accepted UN jurisdiction. In regards to the advisory proceedings, only the General Assembly or Security Council may apply. Only authorized organs of the UN as well as specialized agencies have the right to provide insight based on full presentations of the facts.
NIGGGAAAA, im awesome. who the fuck comes up with this shit when theyre high?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
12:55AM
i feel really lonely.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
8:45AM
so, i spent all of yesterday throwing up and battling a shitty fever. food poisoning....again. this time however, the culprit was orange juice. my mom wanted us to go to the er...yea, it was that bad. however, today, at 8:46 on my birthday, i feel great. hah-hah, death has not won yet again. touche
Friday, January 11, 2008
i feel so damn confused about shit. about everything. and i genuinely feel bad for jessica's soon to be kid
Current music: portrait of a man- hawkins
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
last night was actually...great. i found myself, on the way to la lanterna, playing this grotesque movie on rewind in my mind; reminiscing the past year. jesus fuck, it was one insane year. a genuine roller coaster ride. i was buzzed and in a shitty mood. as i stumbled out of the west 4th station, i was engulfed by vibrations. everybody was vibrating- anxious, buzzed, waiting. i finally got to the restaurant and honestly, i just melted when i finally hugged him. i find myself constantly doubting everything. im always trying to find better things. why? what i have is amazing. genuinely fucking awesome. there was nobody else that i wanted to bring in the new year with more than i did with my lobster. he seated me at a table next to the frost covered window. the mood was great- the clatter of a busy restaurant, jazz humming in the background and candles. i had hazelnut gelato and a cappuccino. it was finally 2 minutes before the clock would strike twelve and i realized shit is gunna be good. shit's gunna be great this year. midnight came all too quickly, i had my new years kiss and i was set. george introduced me to the entire staff; everybody was really great. he seemed so happy to let the world know that i was his. around 3 serj and kara came to pick me up (the latter was passed out, haha) and we headed back to queens, picking up dan and jessica on the way. at their place we had champagne and great conversations. it was so nice that they were the people i was spending my first day in the new year with. george came and we watched knocked up. finally, at seven i dozed off. today's been surreal, and too short. we woke up at 3, left and now im home. all i want to do is lay around and sleep and watch scrubs. just have a nice hungover day.
the only thing missing today is ANNNNNAAAAAAAA
Current music: dont go away mad- motley crue
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
2:47PM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ITS CHRISTMAS
which rocks. a lot. like, a lot.
george got me an eeepod, the 80G. i couldnt believe it, mainly cause i dont want anybody to ever spend so much money on me. ever. although, its a pretty sweet gadget.
i have no clue how we managed to afford everything that we got, we definitely spent around 400$ on gifts for everybody, and thats excluding the eeepod. goodbye san fransisco.
i gave my brother the water pipe and he loved it. he thought it was really funny, which is awesome. anyhow, im off to continue celebrating at dad's casa.
peace and merry xmas to all
Current mood:  ecstatic Current music: summer time- janis jolin
Monday, December 17, 2007
10:12PM
life's been weird. good, but surreal. i have so much to write about and yet nothing at all. the cd anna burnt me isnt helping me concentrate either. egh, i dunno.
anyway
HAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL
Monday, November 19, 2007
life's been...weird. this week started out really shitty with the news of roger's suicide. i still dont know how to react to it. and i still dont believe it. he seemed so happy. egh. i wish i gave him a hug. i dunno. i wish i couldve said or done something that maybe, just maybe wouldve cheered him up and made him realize that shit can always be worse. shit can always be worse.
i spent the week in a numb state. my mind was in defrag mode. but then friday came. they sent me to the store on 7th avenue, right where i used to sell books with jeff. man, those were good times. awaiting me there were three guys- mike, sam and thomas. mike spoke to himself in the third person and didnt fail to introduce me to his dealer, who kept coming into the store. sam and thomas left and mike and i closed up. he was really high. he really amused me. i went to tea lounge after closing up..there was a really trippy jazz band there. friday mellowed me out. shit can always be worse.
ive barely slept since friday, maybe a couple of hours here and there. im always aware that im asleep- im in this state of fucking limbo. im not asleep and im not awake. im anxious and want to scream or run around or jump or do some shit. but then he hugs me or kisses me on the forehead and i know everything is okay. everything is just fucking okay.
im feeling really neurotic.
i close this with my sister and her awesomicity.

Current music: i need somebody- the iggy popster
Monday, October 22, 2007
7:36PM
i had a really weird dream last night. jane was throwing a party and for some reason i got invited to it. everybody i knew was there. while drinking, i heard my name being called from a room. it was anna. i entered the room and found her and jane sitting on the bed, crying and hugging. i sat down too and started to cry. and then smokey attacked george, who woke me up with his scream.
sigh.
Current mood:  contemplative Current music: hellbound- pantera
Thursday, October 18, 2007
9:27PM
i really miss....people. i feel incredibly lonely and like i have no friends anymore. i miss jane. i miss alina. i miss a lot of people that were in my life. i miss drinking. a lot. i miss smoking. a lot. i miss...my youth. i feel really old. so dragged out. life is a long blur. meh. i hate emo entries.
meh. life..
Current mood:  depressed
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
9:41PM
reading old entries makes me uncomfortable just like reading old emails " " " " convos " " talking about the past
life makes me really uncomfortable in general
im going to go masturbate now.
Current mood:  blah Current music: a cure- blonde redhead
im really tired. i burnt my saute, which really upsets me. mer.
in other news, i could really go for a

hahahahahahaha. oh, witty, witty, witty kate
Current mood:  amused Current music: fundamentally loathsome- marilyn manson
Saturday, August 25, 2007
12:51AM
igor and paul just got my cat stoned. stoned pussy.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
11:42PM
Three die in Easter crashes Car hits tree, killing man, 21 Home News Tribune Online 04/9/07 By JOHN MAJESKI and SHARON WATERS STAFF WRITERS jmajeski@thnt.com
METUCHEN — A 21-year-old borough man who emigrated from Ukraine died early Sunday after the car he was driving crashed into a tree on Route 27.
Ivan A. Martynovich was pronounced dead at the scene after the drivers side of his car slammed into a tree near Grant Court just past Lake Avenue at 12:46 a.m., said Sgt. David Irizarry. Martynovich was ejected from the vehicle, Irizarry said.
The driver's 21-year-old friend, who was a front-seat passenger, was treated at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital and released, Irizarry said.
Martynovich was driving south on Route 27, or Essex Avenue, and had just turned right where the roadway bends at its intersection with Lake Avenue, police said. His 1986 Oldsmobile Cutlass crossed Route 27 and hit a tree on the opposite side of Route 27 near Grant Court.
"Based on markings in the road, it looks like Ivan may have lost control of his vehicle, and it came to rest against a tree," Irizarry said.
Family members struggled to come to grips with the loss Sunday.
"It's hard," said father Alexander Martynovich. "Nobody expects such a thing."
The younger Martynovich was an automotive technician at STS Tire & Auto on Route 27, his father said, but had dreams of working in law enforcement.
"He wanted to become a policeman," he said.
Ivan A. Martynovich was born in Ukraine. About 10 years ago, he immigrated to the United States with his family. The family first settled in Brooklyn, N.Y., his father said, before moving to Metuchen in 2004. The younger Martynovich was a graduate of Lincoln Technical Institute, Union.
Alexander Martynovich said he doesn't know what happened early Sunday morning, but his grief is being shared by many others.
"He was a really nice, friendly guy," he said of his son. "He had a lot of friends."
Route 27 was closed for about three hours, said Irizarry.
An autopsy was performed Sunday, but the results were not immediately available.
The crash is under investigation, including whether speed or alcohol were a factor, police said.
its not fair that ivan had to go that way. such a stupid, stupid, stupid death. the past couple of days have been really emotionally draining, since he died. ive really come to appreciate those that i love. sigh.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
1:43PM
its been a while. a long while. one moment life was complete chaos, the typical cliche- sex, drugs and rock n roll. hah. and then, over night, my life became paying for rent on time, ridding myself of supposed friends, and not really remembering the last time i got obliviously and deliciously shit faced. i do yearn for those days where i could drink with no end in sight, proceed to puke the life out of me (no pun intended) and do it all over again within a few hours. now, i no longer partake in the incredibly obnoxious and euphoric acts of my peers. i can only observe. alcohol doesnt taste the same. drugs dont give me that same high. i call this...adulthood. my life is officially over and i havent even hit college yet. all i want now is to puke.
there are some perks that come with this thing we call adulthood (despite what you may think, im not nearly as bitter as i come off to be). though the more you live, the more social darwinism you encounter (which, nonetheless means less and less and less and less and less and less friends), there are those that remain. the strongest of the strong. those are the only ones you need. its been nice to be able to point and say, "fuck you, i dont need you. and you in the black shirt. and you over there in the corner. and, ah, yes, you too"
ive even disowned my parents. fuck you all. my future husband, who i get the pleasure of waking up to in the wee hours of the morning, my roomate/sister, and a very select few are my family.
egh, ill finish this rant later.
"where's the beast?" "in her lair" "did you look at me like that for a look of approval for being witty?" "yes"
Current mood:  calm Current music: opium is only for us- agata kristi
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